How to Attract Hot Men

As one might have already noticed, I can talk quite a bit. However, when one crosses paths with a hot boy, one turns into a big pile of awkward goo. I've been bogged down with homework the past week. So I like to retreat to my building's rooftop. It's quiet. I'm outside. I'm trying to work on a tan for the summer. It's amazing and I usually get a lot accomplished. It was such a beautiful day today. Too beautiful to waste spent inside a concrete box.

I LOVE mixing grapes with colby jack cheese. I mean I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Try it.

So I thought I'd be all cool and what not and eat my cheese and grapes while reading. I'm such a hipster.

{50 points to Gryffindor if you know what book I'm reading!!}

Interrupting my peaceful tranquility a neighbor came upstairs. Typically I'm annoyed by this. I was about to assess the situation and decide if I should remain on the roof or go downstairs when I hear this deep, husky, voice.

I have no idea who he is. I've never seen him before, so he must be new. Plus he was seriously, super friendly. The city hasn't destroyed his soul, yet. Fresh meat.... and I'm hungry.

I would love for this story to now turn into an erotic tale of two hot twenty somethings getting it on on the roof... but I'm not hot... and regretfully that's not how things went down.....

Instead my face was paralyzed. Frozen. Words wouldn't come out of my mouth. By the son of Neptune, who is this god before me?

It's a very attractive face. 

He must've been blind because he asked me what I was doing. I should've sustained a normal conversation. Just breathe. He won't bite-- Oh! but I hope he does!! 

Say something clever, Sally. Like, "Hi." or  "I'm Sally." or  "I don't believe we've met. I'm just doing a little school work. Beautiful day we're having aren't we?"

Instead I said, "I'm reading systematic reviews and guidelines for the treatment and prevention of central-line acquired bloodstream infections post insertion."

He said, "Cool," and I returned my gaze to my homework.

I couldn't let him see how bright red my cheeks were. I'm sure he could see how uncomfortable he is making me. (But in a good way!) Thankfully, he sits down near me and quietly gets out his sandwich and begins to eat it. It was quite windy up there. When he sat his sandwich down to take a drink his sandwich was blown off the table and exploded all over the roof.

Such tragedy.   

Such loss.

Again, I should've been clever, but I'm me. Therefore; I'm not. I mumbled something like "Oh, that stinks," and I think I did so in a cockney accent?

And he responds, "Well, I'm glad it was my lunch and not your papers that blew away." So thoughtful. So sweet. Who are you hot neighbor?

I should've kicked my charm into gear. I should've said...

Because he was.

But I let myself sit in silence. He proceeded to lay out for twenty more minutes to soak up some sun. 

I didn't accomplish any work during that time. I've never been so grateful for sunglasses than I was in that moment. They provided the right shade to allow me to stare at his amazing body inconspicuously. He had a baroque style cross tattoo on his chiseled right scapula. His abs were right on the brink of being a six pack. I sat there watching as his chest rose and fell. His ribs would be exposed when his chest expanded. His collar bone was prominent. I wished he hadn't dropped his sandwich. My favorite body part is the masseter. Also, my favorite verb is masticate.

He bid me farewell after a few minutes. Again, words failed me.

But I think I left a burning desire inside him to learn more about me through the use of awkward silences and frozen faces.

 xoxo,

Sally